Redefining Myself

By no means do I ever claim to be better than others, I have in fact noticed that I have taken a rather different path than what I planned on in the beginning.  I’ve been and probably am still making a lot of mistakes that I should probably not be making. And then again tomorrow rears it head and you realize that it’s a brand new day to start fresh…. Again.

I have been wanting to loose 5kg which turned into 7kgs due to just overindulging. I’ve wanted to become more active,stop swearing so much, stick to my plans and just become successful. The only thing standing in my way is me.  A friend of mine said that once you announce something bad about yourself you cast that doubt over your life.  There are aspects where I feel like I have changed and it’s been for the better now I need to finish the tasks I have set out for myself.

I believe that we sometimes need to go back to our inner roots to establish where we need to move forward from.  I need to start doing a daily planner to structure my life, it’s as simple as that.  Then you have your personality. This is formed in your pre-teens, pre-messed up and neither here nor there 20somethimg years.  Just because you have done a major life change by moving out, getting married, having kids or whatever doesn’t mean you have to lose you.

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I will always have the little bad girl inside me. Not the type that gets you in trouble, but the type of girl that loves tattoos, gothic clothes, prefers not to wear bright clothes. The girl that loves rock and punk music, wears her heart on her sleeve, can go a week wearing black without someone having to die. She can rock out with music vibrating from my car on my way to work and singing my heart out.  The fact is we have to have balance and make a choice of character.  For instance, at work I prefer looking professional and classy, as soon as I get home I am in my pj’s and can stay that way the entire weekend. During the weekends and off days I could make more of an effort, but why should I? I’m comfortable and look homeless most day but I’m happy.

So I know I’ve been going on about wanting to meet someone and moving forward in my life but geez, it’s hard.  First off, I don’t know where they hide half of the potentials? I’m NOT going to start hanging out at my local pub (wouldn’t even know where it is either). And then you have to start the whole process of getting to know someone. Then try fit the into your life, make room for them and you realize maybe it’s all too much too soon.  I’m not unhappy being single. Not for one moment. I’m not lonely, my children, family and friends make up for that. Plus the work functions and and and….. Also I am not a serial dater or like to speak to 10 guys at the same time. I believe in doing to others what you want done to yourself.

All in all its been a process, one of chance. Back to the original plan from a few months ago. Start living the life I put down on my vision board and start somewhere.  Focus and become the person I dream to be and meet the person I’m dreaming of too.

So it’s a question of being in my shell or actually moving out? Becoming uncomfortable, taking that step and growing a pair. Go out and meet people anywhere by talking, networking, focusing and becoming the best version of myself….

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