He walks down the aisle towards you, he is just mouth-watering gorgeous. Sexy legs, amazing dress sense, oh and that smell – to die for. And there it is. The deal breaker. He is already taken (screams the wedding band glistening on his wedding ring finger).
The struggle is real single moms. All the good ones are either hiding (goodness knows where), engaged or married. And then there are the warning labels ones: the eternal bachelor, the player, the non-commit-able, the downright do not approach me type and the just don’t go there. We all fall in categories to these men, unfortunately, you are either the following:
Option 1 – The starter wife
The type all men are looking for when he has decided to finally settle down, you have no children, your womb still has its plastic on, you are young and beautiful, so full of promise. His mother will like you and his friends would want to marry a girl just like you.
Option 2 – The benefits chic
You are the all-rounder. The guys would give their left nut for you. You have the body of a supermodel, the knowledge of a sports commentator, you can drink the boys under the table, you can win burping and fart contest, you are a woman when needs be and he can take you on all his wedding invitations.
Option 3 – The baggage lady
You have exactly that, baggage. You are divorced and have children or you are just divorced or just have children. You are not their first or second or last option, you are their last resort. They will love your look, sense of humor, they will even go so far as to get your number. But (and its a big but) they will reverse faster than a lightning bolt when they hear you have either of the no go options.
Option 4 – The untouchable woman
You are goal orientated, driven and successful. You have your ducks in a row and you own a house, a car and maybe your own business. You ooze confidence and your hair smells of roses. Your body is a manufactured piece of gold and your smile can cure cancer. You are what we all strive for to be, the effortless woman.
Once you figure out where you fit in, it makes it easier to spot the guys out there. Darling if he’s successful, late thirties early forties and hasn’t settled down, he is not looking for Option 1, 3 or 4. He is looking for fun and that’s what you are to them, a fun good time girl. It’s sad that today’s guys have more options because the women of today are unfortunately happy to give it up sooner than later. We think maybe we should join a dating site, cool. You load your profile, put the sexiest picture you have on it and briefly mention that you aren’t looking for a hook-up. That will show you are looking for Mr.Right. You get accepted and connect with every man left right and center. Wow you must be something, you think to yourself. You go on a few dates and you end up as just that, a hook-up.
So you ask yourself the question, “Where are the good decent guys“?
The ones who want to settle down, that don’t give a damn about which option you are and the ones who actually fit your criteria. There it is, your criteria. What you are looking for, the man of your dreams. There are guys out there that will say, “But you never give a good guy a chance”, agreed. We have Options too you know, this changes the game once again:
Option 1 – The starter guy
You have potential, you bath/shower twice a day and brush your teeth. You have a home, sort of, either staying by yourself or with a friend while you looking for your own place to share with your starter wife. You have a good body, you have a stable job and you have that “boy next door” face.
Option 2 – The bad boy (Eternal bachelor)
You are hot as sin, you know just what to say and how to say it. You have money and lots of it. You have moves like Jagger, you smell like a Jean Paul Gautier ad, you have the dress sense of a Hugo Boss model and a Blue steel look of note.
Option 3 – The baggage man
You are divorced with children, you either divorced or either just have children. Either way you are an option, you are good-looking, you just need another starter wife. You are financially sound and you have your share of whatever you went through. You go to the gym, you look after yourself and you are stable.
Option 4 – The decent guy
You fall into two options really. You are either friend-zoned, good-looking and financially stable or you’re very creepy, live with your parents and dress weird. You are either a good-looking as the bad boy or you are the ugly guy we feel sorry for and keep as a friend. It’s a hard truth but its the truth.
Read this: An Open Letter To My Daughters Stepmom
What makes it difficult is that we don’t really know what we want until we are faced with the options. Some of our expectations are too high but I think expectations are good. If you lower them then you end up becoming a serial dater because now its changed from expectations to being scared of being single.
For some the though of being single is like facing death row. You don’t like the unknowing feeling of not having someone in your life and quite frankly you just can’t imagine a night on your own.
I was like that, I think in a way I’m still like that and at the moment I’m being forced into my uncomfortable zone because I can’t go out and be single. I have to stay home and be a Mom to a 6 month old baby. I have had zero luck with a dating website, yes one, I don’t have the patience for another. I don’t have any hot single guy friends because they are just that “Friends”.
I fall into the Option 2 category. My expectations are quite high too and bugger it, I am allowed to have expectations, just because I’m a ‘baggage lady’ doesn’t mean I cant dream. But in saying all that, I might have to step myself up for a long road of being single.
So maybe we all need to sit down and decide what we want, how we want it to be and not compromise on that. Maybe then there will be less instant gratification and more people willing to wait to find the right person. So how will you try “how to not find Mr Wrong”?
Read this: Redefining Myself